| If you don't like it, then don't read it. |
[20 May 2020|12:01am] |
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This is my journal, for me. It is not for everybody and everybody does not have to read it. And there are many people who shouldn't read it, especially those who will be bothered by it. (According to some "professionals", it's not my fault if it bothers you. You are the one who lets it bother you.) Don't bring me into it. You have been warned.
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[02 Jan 2010|11:18am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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TJ's One PIece game's music which sounds just like PokéMon music... |
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( Here she is ) Last night I took Charlotte out for the first time since she's been here. She wandered around a lot and I noticed she was shedding in small pieces. I put her in the bathtub but she just got out after a few minutes. I refilled her water bowl and sprayed a bunch of water in there this morning. Melo said if she has trouble shedding I can wrap her in a wet towel.
For New Year's Eve Mary and I went to Yoli's house. Sammy and Melo came over and Melo was sick and I had a sore throat. Now I'm sick! =(
We watched Night at the Museum 2 and I felt like it was a really bad movie. I felt like every scene they were trying to make funny but none of them were actually funny to me. I laughed once at the security guard flashlight part and I think once later on in the movie but I can't remember at what.
Then Sammy and Edric and Mikey and I tried to play Neverwinter together but it didn't work so Mikey just played some game on Mary's computer and Sammy and Edric and I played Neverwinter but Sammy wasn't very good so we gave up (after like 3 hours of setting it up). Then they played Mount and Blade and I just went to sleep because I was tired. When I woke up my throat hurt RLY bad. Mary and I were planning on leaving by 8ish or 8:30 (AM) but I didn't set my alarm so when I woke up I just stayed in bed trying to cover up my throat.
We left and she went back to Stockton today.
I saw Charlotte fully extended and she is about as long as the table her cage sits on, a little longer than one of my legs. Harriet is way tiny compared to her and Mark said that they are the same size but Charlotte is just a lot fatter, but Charlotte is definitely way bigger than her.
I feel pretty lame not learning any languages recently. I haven't been practicing much of anything (except Spanish =/ ) but I need to learn Portuguese and practice Italian and maybe French and start learning German and start learning Russian or Arabic or something or maybe just keep going with Mandarin, that's probably a better idea than starting Russian or Arabic right now.
I've got a runny/stuffy nose right now and my throat still hurts a little, and I've got a headache. I took some Tylenol last night and took some Ibuprofen this morning. I need to practice Armenian more.
Farewell for now. <3
I will take more pictures when I get a camera that isn't a piece of shit (which should be as soon as I get batteries because I have a couple cameras here but they might be destroyed... We will see...)
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| Edindo opus est. |
[29 Dec 2009|08:59pm] |
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mood |
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 fine |
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music |
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¡Si tu supieras cuanto yo a ti te aaaamooooo! |
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Today I had some stuff to do. I woke up a little early and ate breakfast, flossed and brushed my teeth, showered, then went to Petco to buy a rat. It took a lot longer than I expected and it cost WAY more than I expected. It was over eight dollars, where I expected to pay $3-5. I had to go to work early, so I went home and dropped off the rat then went to work. I set up my car insurance when I got back from work and it is taken care of. TJ was asleep so I decided to wait on the rat feeding. When it got dark I knocked out the rat and fed Charlotte. She snatched her from my hand and sat there suffocating her for a while, then started trying to swallow her. It looked like she started and stopped like five times, like she didn't have a good position or something so she started over, but she might have just been changing positions during her death grip before she was ready to start eating.
She ate it (a medium female) and I think I should be getting her larges. She is pretty damn big now, so mediums aren't going to cut it for her!
I was looking for cheaper places to buy rats because eight dollars is kind of a lot. Next time we will save a little money. I was in a hurry because she seemed hungry and I had to go to work but yeah... Petco isn't a great place supposedly...
Once again, got distracted. Namárie!
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| Day 2 with Charlotte. |
[28 Dec 2009|07:50pm] |
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mood |
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 have to pee |
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music |
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The Bard's Song: The Hobbit - Blind Guardian |
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I just got home and went to check on Charlotte and she is awake and looked like she was trying to get out of the cage or something. Her head was really high up like she was following the edges of the cage trying to see if there was a place to get out. I'm thinking I might need to put a towel or something over the cage when I am not checking on her because it's weird not having any lights in the room. The lights will hit her right in the face when she is in her hiding spot so that won't be very comforting for her. Maybe I'll just put a board or something in the way so the light won't hit her in her hide.
I went to Albertson's and bought a spray bottle to keep her humidity up since I don't have a hygrometer or whatever.
I'm waiting for an update from Melo about when she was last fed.
For now off I go. I have things to do.
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| Where do I go? |
[28 Dec 2009|12:52am] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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TJ's music coming out of his headphones |
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I received Charlotte today. She was formerly my aunt's ball python and has now been given to me. I have always loved her and she is getting pretty big but I'm sure she will love me soon enough. She may not remember me but she will acclimate to me. I am worried about her being too cold here... I am usually pretty cold myself. Poor baby... I want to get her a second heating pad and put her into the 60 gallon tank with some more toys. I think I might need to invest in a spray bottle too because I am afraid the humidity is too low for her. She has been surviving fine at Melo's and I don't think they were too hyperattentive to details, but I am still anxious that something may happen.
She bit Melo the other day, and I've heard mixed stories but what I heard from Melo is that she was fed a couple days ago. Sammy said that she was fed a week ago and she bit Melo yesterday (or the day before maybe) which was five days after she had been fed. I am going to go by what Melo told me, but to be safe I will attempt to feed her reasonably soon in case she needs food.
I tried to handle her today when I got home and she hissed at me, so I think she is still stressed out from the move. I'm not sure how long it took for her to get here because I was at work, but she will have to be moved again when I rearrange the tanks. I may keep the smaller tank for feeding... That sounds like a good plan... Either way, I need to find a lid for the big tank soon so that she can get used to it and not be living in constant insecurity. It is said that they usually require a week to become comfortable with a new home, but she will need to eat sooner than that...
So in other news I have been working on a Neverwinter Nights module for Danny and Edric to play together while I DM it, but I am spending a lot of time building and planning quests and conversations rather than just setting stuff up for playability and working my DM Client magic for the rest of it, so I will try to change that soon. I am almost done with the first "dungeon" I suppose. Mustn't give any details away because spoilers are not my thing.
I just got back from seeing Avatar, which kicked a lot of ass. The language they used reminded me of Poptí and of something African. At first I thought it would be a bullshit language but it seemed pretty legit at parts. I wonder if they used an existing language that they wanted the sound from or if they actually made/edit copied a new one.
I got a new computer a while ago. I think it was on Black Friday or maybe the day after. I went in the evening. I got my music and stuff transferred over from my old one so it is nice. Edric came over a week or so ago and we had fun. Aqua vita est. Quiero hacer mi idioma ya. Tengo muchas ideas en que siempre estoy pensando pero ¿no tengo tiempo para hacerlo? No sé por qué no hago las cosas así que quiero hacer. Preciso dum amigo com quem posso praticar o portugues...
Okay got distracted for a second. I guess it is time to end this post.
As always: I wish I posted more often.
I will try to make a habit of posting to keep records on Charlotte's activity and that should make me write some more whenever I post too.
For now I will work on the module a little and then go to sleep.
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[22 Sep 2009|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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 hurt |
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music |
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Defying Gravity - Wicked |
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Okay, let's get down to business!
TO DEFEAT
THE HUNS!
Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can BET before we're through, Mister, I'll make a man out of you.
So the last few days I've been talking to Bayleafs again (has it already been fourteen years?) we looked at our yearbooks and I found my Raider Reminder and we talked about them and it was fun. We didn't finish that one convo yet but we'll get around to it some time I'm sure. Anyway, we were looking at our LJs and I noticed that I had been writing here and that I've already had this journal for TWO YEARS! GEEZE! And I always want to go back to writing but I never get into it but now I rly rly want to.
So today I went to school and stuff, did some stuff. My phone got shut off from not being paid so I couldn't call the profes at UCSD but I e-mailed them and I e-mailed Peachy. Then before Anthropology I wanted to go get something to eat but I didn't have a lot of money and Ruben owes me a lunch so I drove over to his house and went to the door and some guy answered the door that I didn't reckanize and I said "¿No está Ruben?" and he said "No, no se encuentra" and I said "¿Sabes donde está?" and he said "¿Cómo?" and I said "¿No sabes donde está?" and he said "No, acabo de llegar del trabajo" and I said "Okay, gracias" y me fui. So I went to Arco to clean my windshield because it was TOTALLY GLARED THE FUCK OUT and then I was going to go to Subway or Cotija's or In N Out but decided to go to Daphne's first. So I went there and I was thinking of eating but it was too expensive and I only had 5 minutes to get to class so I decided to just drink some water and leave. Then on my way to my car I think "Wait! I was going to go to Albertson's and buy one of those sandwich things there and eat it" so I go to Albertson's and find a sandwich thing and it's $2.99 so I go to the express self check out thing and it's taking forever and there are like 3 people in line ahead of me and there are people with big carts of shit at the scanners and then the machine goes "Please wait for assistance! ^_^" and I'm like oh shit come on. Then a woman opens up register and tells us to go there so I buy my sammich and go to my car and open it but I can't eat it in my car because I have a stick now and I can't eat unless I'm somewhere steady but I was in the parking lot with many starts and stops so I waited till I got out and I had to drive to the parking lot and park there instead of driving home and walking because it would take too long so after school I had to drive for like 8 minutes to get home instead of walking for like 6 minutes. Anyway, my dad would always tell me that I'm going to get a stomach ache from eating too fast and that has never really happened UNTIL TONIGHT. I got to school and I was alraedy 7 minutes late for class, so I ate the sandwich on the way there and then stood out the door finishing it for a few seconds then I went in and I HURT. I felt like there was a big metal ball in my stomach. It just now is going away like four and a half hours later.
Okay well that's all for now TTFN ta ta for now.
???? Is it?
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[22 Sep 2009|02:17pm] |
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music |
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Lo Intentamos - Espinoza Paz |
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WANT TO WRITE SO BAD BUT MUST GO TO CLASS. I WILL COME BACK AND I WILL WRITE AND LJ WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN.
A la clase de la filosofía. BáMONO!
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[22 Sep 2009|01:51am] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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New York - Frank Sinatra |
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*cry*
I miss you so much, LJ.
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[29 Mar 2009|02:23am] |
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mood |
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 RAAAAHHHH! |
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Where is thy Tradeskills Log?
For presenting yourselves in this battlefield, I give you thanks.
This is our city, to join it, you give homage!
I GIVE HOMAGE TO BOWYERSHIP! And if this is your city... Tell me, why does it go?
We didn't come here to craft for them!
Hillhome! The tradeskills are too many!
SONS OF BOWYERS, I AM WILLIAM WALLACE!
William Wallace has 100.0% bowyership!
Yes, I've heard! He crafts bows by the hundreds! And if he were here, he would consume the blacksmiths with Fire Arrows from his eyes and Shocking Bolts from his arse!
I AM WILLIAM WALLACE! And I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of tyranny! You have come to craft as free men! And free men you are! What will you do with that freedom? Will you craft?
Craft bows? Against them? No. We will smith, and we will live well-rounded lives.
Aye, craft bows and you may fail at other skills, smith and you may have other skills... At least until 10.0%....
And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the skills from mycology to brewing, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may have more skills than us, but they will never have AS HIGH OF A PERCENTAGE OF MASTERY OF BOWCRAFT AS US!?
YEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Mornay, Lochlan, Craig...
Eh, Cheltham, this is William Wallace...
Here are Solace's terms. Lead this army of bowyers off the field, and we will give you each estates in Solamnia, Caergoth, and Qualinost, including hereditary titles, from which you will pay us an annual duty -
I have an offer for you.
...From which you will pay Solace an annual duty of -
I said I have an offer for you!
You disrespect a banner of truce!?
From Solace? Absolutely...
Here are Hillhome's terms:
Lower your hammers and march straight back to Solace, stopping at every Hillhome home you pass to beg forgiveness for hundreds of days of skinning, mining, and smithing. Do that, and your men shall live. Do it not... and every one of you will die today...
Hah! You are outmatched! You have no other tradeskills! In two centuries no city has won without -
I'm not finished!
Before we let you leave, your commander must cross this building, stand before this bowyer's station, put his wood on top of it,
and craft his own bow....
!!!!
*leaves*
I'd say that was rather less cordial than he's used to...
Be ready, and do exactly as I say.... You, go to the Fireforge Carpentry in Hillhome. You, to the Tradeskills Shop in Qualinesti.
We must not divide our forces!
Do it, and let the Solaceans see you do it...
They'll think we'll stop crafting...
Aye.... Take out their blacksmith anvils, and I'll meet you in the middle.
Insolent BASTARD! Full attack! I want this Wallace's bow made into a plate!
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| After all my years of searching! |
[06 Jan 2009|05:27pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
] |
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music |
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Deux Oiseaux - France Gall |
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The Cave of Wonders!
Today I beat The Great Escape for the first time. Last time I played it I couldn't get past Stryker (the third level) and now I beat it and now I can beat it in like twenty minutes. DAMN I miss Xardion. I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again.... Farewell my love. I want to check back in on his comics now but I'll do so later.
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| Lamento Eroico |
[01 Nov 2008|10:31pm] |
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mood |
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 eroico |
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music |
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Lamento Eroico - Rhapsody |
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Langue in me l'eco infranto
al truce sguardo dell'angelo cieco.
Rovina in me l'antica rima
nel cuor del cigno, ferito e morente...
Cosmi di eternita' tradita
di verita' svanite che ora versano lacrime d'addio in un vuoto nero...
sincero...
e fiero...
Al mio destino andro'....
Urla il tuono al mio lamento eroico!
Sorte consuma la realta'!
Spiriti di mondi arcani,
chiedo la vita al di la' della morte,
per allinear le stelle amiche,
e diventar guardiano celeste...
Custode di eternita' guarita
di verita' trovate per tutti i figli di madre terra,
sempre a lei ho dato la vita... la morte... cosi' continuero'...
Urla il tuono al mio lamento eroico!
Sorte consuma la realta'!
Urla il tuono al mio lamento eroico!
Sorte consuma la realta'!
Sorte consuma la realta'!
Sooorrrrrte consuuuumaaaaa laaaaa reaaaaaaltaaaaaaa'....!
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[21 Oct 2008|04:01pm] |
exponte amor.
t kiero ver
pq t gusta aser m doler?
ya no m agas doler
asi boy a scribir pa siempre
no es cierto es una broma
pero a beses asi tal bes no se
kiero scribir ma siempre digo que quiero escribir
contrapposto, che bella, no?
Do Jew love me?
Jew, I love you.
Recibí mis cheques. Ora gli scriviré.
Italispañol. Que cool peux j'etre?
Scrivo en tutti gli lingui che sean. ¡ROMANCE!
Sta bene ansi mioue.
No tiene sentido, ¿importa?
No.
Que sea lo que sea.
Anyway:
NecesiTO QUE me TOQUE alguien. TOQUE pf.
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[20 Oct 2008|04:18pm] |
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mood |
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 up? |
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music |
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Au Claire de la Lune - France Gall |
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Ya no dejo de escribir, pero ya no me puedo satisfacer.
A renewed love for this forgotten art,
A method now with which to give some form
To some stray thoughts that dwell within my heart
Which surface high and conjure up a storm
Of feelings, but with lack of words to say
What moves beneath the flesh and músculo
It's difficult to build a frame, so play
With words I shall until I feel I know
Some manner of expressing this I feel,
And in the mean time trying to have some fun.
So let's decide to try to be more real.
Just one more couplet and I will be done.
Forgive me when you're not able to read,
A veces Spanish is just what I need.
Now I could make my whole journal así:
Iambic, pentametric, like Chaucer,
But most can tell that doesn't work for me.
Mis pensamientos no me dejan ser
Tan rígido en lo que quiero write,
It's obvious just by my choice of words.
And though I know there is no wrong or right,
The sonnet read was not about the birds
But rather the connection that he had
When thinking of his love just being there.
Así contento 'stoy, y vos mirad:
I'll feel that way again. Voy a comer
Some zanahorias perhaps right now.
"Soy Ángel. Llámame. Nos vemos. Ciao."
So I don't know I had more to say but I'm lost again as always happens. I need like a whole day to write a post, otherwise I leave out everything. Everything!
The elvevsfgodst peepee in the elevator.
Farewell godspeed!
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[20 Oct 2008|10:57am] |
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music |
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I Wanna Hold Your Hand - The Beatles |
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Yes, I will. But what will you do?
So ya estoy escribiendo más y es una buena cosa, pero la razón para escribir qué es?
And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
Hace calor pero también hace frío. Es que mis brazos tienen calor y mis manos frío. Sudo mucho pero me quedo con frío.
But what do I want to say? So much tanto but what can I say?
Mientras estoy caminando, pienso tantas cosas pero cuando llego a mi computadora no sé que efisjfdf no se que
How unpredictable.
How unpredictable.
fdsgdfg
or is it? predictable?
=/
i'm dizzy i'm dizzy
i can't help it but you can but you don't!
yes i'm coming
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[19 Oct 2008|10:12pm] |
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y me sigues traicionando ;_;
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| traicionadora |
[19 Oct 2008|09:20pm] |
Do I not make it easy? I'm not hard to please.
Me confundes y me sigues confundiendo pero trato de hacer lo que necesitas de mí, y no más te pido una cosa por día, y no te pido cosas difíciles. Un te amo. Un abrazo.
Luego me dice "por qué
me interrumpió
As I said, I don't make it difficult at all. I tell you exactly what I need, and me acaba de decir "no sé qué hacer"
"¿cómo?"
"para hacerte mejor"
cómo que no sabes? te dije, te digo, te acabo de decir. Lo digo en todas las partes, ¿cómo puede ser que no sabes lo que necesito?
Luego me dice "¿por qué eres tan necesitado?"
Dame lo que necesito y te voy a dejar en paz. No pido mucho, y no pido lo difícil. Haz lo que digo y estaré bien. No entiendo como es que no entiendes.
Extraño a Mary tanto. Pero necesito tocatocatoca y necesito toca así. Necesito tocatocatocatoca vivo no toca estático.
FSADJLGHJLFD
GFSDHGHLS
Otra vez lo voy a decir, te digo exactamente lo que necesito, y no me lo das. Luego dices que no sabes que hacer. Me sigues confundiendo, siendo oscura y vaga, y yo trato de hacer todo lo que puedo. Y cuando no te sirve, lo ignoro y sigo tratando en otra manera. But how can I say it? What can I say it I don't know what to say what do I say now what do I say now?
Picapicapicapciapifpdsidsfdk sraplp rasgarsaga pero no te cortes.
Rasga rasga pero no te cortes.
Dime por qué por qué te gusta hacerme doler?
Ya no me hagas doler.
Haz lo que digo, te lo hago pa ti. Pati. Pati an.
Sigh sigh sigh away sigh. Haligh.
We were cleaning the boxes today, así hago lo que me pide, no me puede hacer lo que he estado pidiendo de todos todo el día?
fdsjgsdfg klwhyyyy why what can i do?
tisdgfdgl i jsut don't knowa tahsdt tsoay i dont knwo what to say cerycyrygtrydygyfdh
just do it for me please just do it it's so easy and it's all i need i don't understand how it can be so difficult. i don't understand.
don't make me like this i'm so great i'm so great nessa i sound like nessa now now i understand do i? do i?
repitaterepi repi ta te te.
mpaeties..
.
yes it is they
are
king or cummings, neither is neither.
ni el ni el o el o el. el o el weird.
so i don't have any medicine it's really lame and i've been without it for a while and i can't get it for a while damn ladia damn her what the hell man what the hell maaaannngg
okay lafdsgt ay güini no más pido que me escuches que me des lo que quiero una vez por día.
Dice que le gusta por otros pero no por mí? El ruso? Qué tiene? Yo qué? Ahora qué??
Congrego mi coraje para pedirte esa cosita, y por una razón que no entiendo, no me lo puedes dar. Te lo hago, te lo hago, manda y lo voy a hacer. Por qué no me puedes dar una toquiteta? Toca, por alguien. Alguien me toque.
tócame tócame tócame please please es todo lo que necesito,
Y CUANDO ESTA BIEN PINCHE OBVIO QUE NO ESTOY BIEN, QUE ACABO DE PEDIRTE, QUE YA AGARRE "algo" que no sé que es pero que ya es obvio a ti para que lo agarré, por qué no puedes ceder? I don't get it. I don't get it.
Tenxme dixo. Haxle por fa.
hmhmhmp
hmhmhmppppp
Tócame jóldame hazme bien.
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| Sed de caricias. |
[19 Oct 2008|06:26pm] |
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mood |
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thirsty |
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music |
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Tócame o déjame. |
] |
¡Traicionadoras! ;_;
Me di cuenta hoy que el sentido que siento cuando quiero cortarme es el mismo sentido cuando necesito caricias.
Tengo sed, mucha sed.
tócame tócame tócame tócame
tócame tócame tócame tócame
No más me dices si necesitas algo emocionalmente o financialmente.... o físicamente...
o touchmente
¿Por qué te gusta hacer me doler? Ya no me hagas doler.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay cómo me duele, cómo me duele, cómo me duele que me dejes solo así.
No más quiero un abrazo. ¡Abrázame güey tócame tócame pues!
Estoy muriendo por sed mi amor, tócame y hazme mejor.
Tócame tócame tócame pues. Tócame hazme bien.
Satisfazme, no me importa quien eres. Tócame, hazme bien.
Me voy a haceirsd pinches cosas verga ora verga verga no es justo no es fair.
=( ¿Qué voy a hacer?
Lo haré.
Ya voy a limpiar y cosas así.
¿Me tocas? <3
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| Tell me you love me? |
[18 Oct 2008|02:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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DOODODODOOASKFOGF ALARM |
] |
Okay so here I am at home. I decided to come home for my break. I want to write really bad too but I don't have enough time but here we shall begin.
Siento mejor escribiendo en español ahorita por una razón. Pues voy con Ángel esta noche, no puedo poner acentos en las mayúsculas. No tengo ninguna idea lo que vamos a hacer pero estoy emocionado anyway de todos modos o así qué?
Anyway anyway, so estaba trabajando y hablando con Marisol y Gabby, diciendo que me sentía un poco deprimido y no sabía por qué. No sé si es por Alena o mi medicina o algo diferente o una mezcla o qué, pero anyway (enséñame esa palabra Lore) ella vino para comer y me habló pero todavía no me siento bien hablando con ella. No sé si es por miedo o si es que ya me siento rechazado (¿rechazado?) por ella o blalbvksldgkd pero algo no está bien entre nosotros. Es que quiero ser su amigo, y me dice que somos mejores amigos, pero me siento como no me deja ayudarla, no me deja ser su amigo o hacerle sentir mejor. Le escribí una carta ayer diciendo que no más quiero hacerle feliz pero no me deja, y que si sabe algo que puedo hacer que le va a hacer sentir mejor, que me diga para que yo lo haga. Pero se enojó y me dijo que no fuera así, que si me necesita por algo me va a decir, pero que no le puedo mandar que me deje que le ayude. Me puse muy triste, porque me siento como no hay nada que puedo hacer para mejorar la situación, y me hace sentir como soy inútil. Estaba triste por unas horas (las que ya he trabajado hoy) y luego me sintí que pudiera sentir bien y quería hablar con ella. Pues estaba trabajando todavía y ella no estaba cerca, entonces iba a hablar con ella más tarde, pero le mandé un mensaje y no más dije "dime que me amas" y si me hubiera mandado otro en respuesto que dijo "te amo" yo habría estado feliz por lo demás del día, pero todavía no me ha contestado y no sé donde está o qué hace ahorita o hoy. *sigh.* Estoy pensamientoando que está durmiendo pero no he chequeado. Ahorita chequeo.
Sí, aquí está en la cama. Se sentía aburrida por la mañana y parece que en vez de encontrar algo para hacer, se durmió. Me hace sentir mejor saber que es probable que aún no ha visto a mi mensaje, y cuando lo vea, tal vez me lo manda así con el "te amo" que estoy deseando. ¡Pedos no echo mientras esté ella en casa!
Okay well me pica poquito el punto del pito. That's a cool thing to say man. That's my new thing to say when me pica.
¿Pero se dice la punta o el punto? Okay well I gotta do some laundry so I better do it tonight. I'll put money on the card if I must man. If that's what I must do.
Damn opening tomorrow, I keep forgetting and then it comes back to me and I'm like aw crap.
Pues anyway. Estoy mejor ya y ME VOY A QUEDAR ASÍ.
Okay ahí toca mi alarma. ¡Me voy pues!
¡VAS A ESTAR BIEN! ¡VAS A ESTAR BIEN! ¡DI LAS PINCHES PALABRAS!
Okay bye <3. I know I feel like I'm missing something but it's no big deal righteh?eh?
Farewell. <3
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| Tenxme. |
[18 Oct 2008|10:37am] |
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I need you to need me. |
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Well I'm kind of out of stuff to do so why not post?
I don't know what to write about though. I'm going to work soon but I just don't feel like doing anything right now.
Recently I've been able to go to sleep, and I've been getting to bed rather late, but I still wake up on time, and even early, and even without my alarm. It's crazy. I saw Mary last night, I haven't seen her for a while. Alena came back from her mom's too a few days ago. I started using my webcam thing sometimes so I can take pictures but they're boring because I'm not doing anything. I took a cool one though and I made some little slide shows. I have forty hours again this week, it's been a while since that's happened. People are pooping and not letting me help and it's frustrating but what can I do? I need to cut my nails. I got ss3 last night, it's pretty neat. Not as dramatic an improvement as I'd hoped, but it's still a good thing. Wow, I hate myspace. I hate when I go on and all I feel is hate. It's so disgusting, I wish everyone would come back to livejournal.
I need to go eat something, I feel like going to work and eating early or maybe going to some place and eating before work and then just eating at work on my break. Alena said she wanted to go out and then changed her mind when I offered. It's like she's resisting to try to help me or something.
Resistance makes things last longer. Mayra has been giving me like all the tips at work, and it's kind of funny because it's always really obviously not mine. I'll be doing the bus station for a half hour or something and she'll come back with this tray of dirty plates with some money in it and I'm like "what the hell" but she won't take it. Or she'll clean these tables and everything will be done but she'll just leave the dollars on the empty table. It's ridiculous! And if it's a multiple-dollared tip and I try to split it with her she won't let me. It's nice, it's really funny though to see.
I shaved I started shaving kind of regularly I think.
I'm going to hang out with Angel tonight. I don't know what we're going to do. Aw crap I have to open tomorrow lame. I forgot weekends. Oh well, it's not big deal as long as I don't stay up till like two or something. I get off at 8:30. It seems I never close anymore. I feel bad for Elias that he is always closing and now Marisol makes everyone leave early. Last night he was alone for over an hour before closing the store, and Marisol was like "it's okay he has three cooks in the back." I feel weird. Er you fillin wird?
My stomach is kind of like dizzying, empty and weird dizzy like I don't know. It's not pure hunger but something else is making me kind of dizzy all over. I haven't had my meds for a while and Ladia said I have to go see her before she can let me get a refill. So that's like a month without them. I fgds freaking Ladia is such a loser. They charged me for a missed appointment that I don't remember making and didn't have a card for and didn't get called about but whatever. Stuff is just stuff bothers me and it's like I fdsg I don't know what I'm actually saying, I felt like I was going somewhere but I can't really remember what it was.
SDFLJHDH IFGSDHdgfxcg I don't want to go to work yet. It's really lame togfvsg I don't even know what I want to say. I just feel but I can't say.
I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and distant and helpless. Not very much so some times, but right now I kind of do.
Cut or no cut? Do people read it either way? Do people ever read their communities' friends list? I'm sure some people do but I don't know.
Smash down the light. I will not rest till I'm king.
Maybe nervous? Destraído. Me destrajiste.
So much hurt but not a way to fix it. How can I help people if they can't?
I'm hurting, hold me.
I'm not hurting, hold me anyway.
Hold hold hold hold tenx.
Tenxme. Title.
Peach turned her hotmail into Greek last night and we couldn't fix it. I hunger. I hate when I feel like I have to do something and I don't want to go do it FSDGJLFDG Itt'stgfbfvhdrt eleven already it's so frustrating I hate it I don't get why it's like that.
Jealousy has driven him mad!
Of course, of course, what can he do?
I have to brush my teeth and that's what's really bothering me because I don't want to.
And it's not the same if you're doing it for me. I need you to do it for you.
I want more you. See me more. Don't follow!? It's not for you to follow, it's for you to listen to. Eleven o clock. Stop using enters now? Don't want to bother the readers, but does it bother you? If you don't know, then who knows!? Eleven o one. Get up.
Bread? I want bread but I don't want refrigerated bread. I want my own bread and I want it in the pantry. Buy food Edvin. That will make things better. Food = not hunger. I'll eat before. I believe I will. Let's go brush our teeth. SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH.
Here we goooooo not wanting to goooooo but we're going. So maybe I'll have fun with Angel tonight. We can talk or something and maybe I'll feel like I don't know. I don't know man whatever.
Time to go time to go.
I love you love you love me please. <3
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[13 Oct 2008|05:30pm] |
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Zetite - Illnath |
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I feel like no one reads anymore, no one writes anymore.
I get so crazy when I write or when I read. Sharing.
When people share.
It's weird Peach is watching Donnie Darko and Mary was just talking about it when I called her on the phone.
So I don't know what's going on but so many people seem to be afraid of it. It's easy to be afraid I know, but we are afraid of being happy but why?
Nancy doesn't want to come on Tuesday and I want her to come so much, but I don't know what to do about that. If I can get Mary to go that would be super awesome, but even just that I've gone will make her life better. I will do everything I can to make her life better.
I just want to share with everyone but today I felt a lot of fear again. The thing is the resistance brings me fear. When they are like that I get scared. Alena scared me because she keeps saying I'm bothering her. But it's so much better, instead of being afraid of bothering her, I get afraid AFTER I bother her. It's so much more free. So she says she doesn't like the way I'm talking. My transformed lingo. It reminds me of when I did whatever I did before that made me feel so much better then Mary was sad because I felt better and she was still sad so she felt like I deserted her because I wasn't sad with her anymore. Alena said she knows what she has to do to be happy already or something like that but I don't know, they're doing their little freakouts and I'm like cálmense güeyes everything's okay, but they're like "no you're being weird"
Why is happiness scary?
So I sound brainwashed, but what kind of brain washed are you afraid of?
Mary said "I want to think for myself"
They don't tell you think any certain way. They even tell you "I'm not telling you the truth. I'm telling you a possible view of world. Don't believe what I say, just think about it for yourself." The whole program is to think for yourself. If she'd come on Tuesday I'd be really grateful.
Anyway, Alena just I don't know. Then I said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, I'm just trying to make sure you're okay" and she keeps saying "Don't talk like that, you're being weird" stuff like that. I've given up being right for the next few days and I'm being courageous which is easy considering all the fear I'm experiencing. I loveleovlevoelvoelvoeov I love love you I love you all.
It's unbelievable. Okay well, I'm gonna try to get to level 15. I still luJOSH.
I'm not brainwashed. I'm just happy and I want to make everyone happy, too. If you were this happy you'd seem brainwashed, too.
GIVE IT A TRY.
So tonight I look forward to aiming with Brooke a little bit and to reaching level 15.
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